Fear of Clowns: No Laughing Matter

Bad news for Patch Adams: A medical study says kids hate clowns, even when they're not getting doused over the head with a bucket of confetti.

Nursing Standard magazine interviewed 250 young patients (ranging in age from four to 16) and found clowns to be "universally scary."

"Some found them quite frightening and unknowable," researcher Penny Curtis told BBC News. Even the older kids got spooked by an unnaturally wide, greasepaint smile.

Sure, we've all heard the horror stories of serial killer John Wayne Gacy -- also known as "Pogo the Clown" -- who tortured and killed 33 young men and boys.

Still, I've seen clowns at New York's Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, and anyone who's made a kid on chemo laugh deserves a trophy in heaven -- or at least a lifetime supply of oversized shoes.

Clown legend "Dr. Stubbs (a.k.a. Michael Christensen of the Big Apple circus) is actually on staff at Sloan-Kettering. He co-founded the Big Apple Circus Clown Care Unit.

I once asked Christensen if convalescing get a little freaked out by his hairy-legged, hobo clown.

"It happens," he told me. "The key is to wait at the door for the child to invite you in. It sometimes helps to let the child watch the clown put on his makeup."

Then again, I once tangled with a bad clown pretending to be the original Bozo, got him thrown out of the International Clown Hall of Fame, and he threatened to sue me. Colorophobia -- the fear of clowns -- is no laughing matter.

Photo © Photo by Hannah Johnston/Getty Images