When a nude, 46-year-old man named Michael Dick (yup, that's his name) entered the home of an elderly Portland, Oregon, she grabbed him by the crotch.
Michael Dick Mug Shot
Courtesy of Multnomah County Sheriff's Office
Dick entered the home through an unlocked sliding door, and was charged with burglary, harassment and private indecency charges.
After the woman gave Dick the squeeze, he broke free, and was later apprehended.