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Penises Chopped, Chewed & Tattooed

By July 27, 2009

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Jonah Falcon Pix It's been a rough few weeks for the male member. I thought it couldn't get any worse when I discovered that having the world's largest penis wasn't enough to get you on a TV show about a man with a large penis.

But it gets worse. Much, much worse.

Furry Seeks Fellow Furry for Murder, Penis Chomping

Over in the U.K., a man is on trial for allegedly trying to have his parents killed. That alone usually isn't enough to make you a weird news item, so as you can imagine there's a big twist here.

Police say this man, 24-year-old Christoper Monks, is a "furry" -- part of a subculture of people who get their thrills by dressing up in an animal costume and having sex. These are the type of people who go to sporting events just to gawk at the mascots. But in Mr. Monks' case, we're still not at the weird part.

Monks is accused of meeting fellow furry Shaun Skarnes online and asking him to kill his parents for him. Usually, these deals are for money. But in this case, Monks offered Skarnes a chance to bite off his penis as payment, police say. That was allegedly enough to seal the deal, as the elder Monks' awoke to find Skarnes at their bedside, clutching a knife. They managed to overpower him and call police.

Monks, apparently, is still waiting for someone to bite off his penis -- a fantasy police say he has shared repeatedly online.

Alcohol, Saws and Genitals Don't Mix

Also over in the U.K., a drunk carpenter apparently sawed his own penis right off during a do-it-yourself project gone badly awry.

Police say Stuart Keen, 54, managed to call police and take himself and his penis to the bathtub, where emergency workers found them and managed to reattach one back to the other.

Penis Tattoo Saves Man in Court

Finally, a British man (say, what is it with these Brits and their penises?) was recently accused of flashing a woman on a train -- but managed to get the charges dropped when the woman did not mention any distinguishing marks on the offending member.

It turns out the man, 28-year-old Barry Kenny, has a tattoo of a lizard on his partner-in-crime, and that evidence, ahem, held up in court.

Photo © Jonah Falcon
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August 31, 2009 at 4:59 pm
(1) Tana Piranha says:

Boys and their Toys!

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