Case in point: Late last month, an 88-year-old woman from Portland, Ore., was surprised by a nude, 46-year-old man named Michael G. Dick (no, I'm not kidding), who slipped inside through an unlocked sliding door.
This feisty senior, dressed in her bathrobe, grabbed Mr. Dick by his you-know-what and gave him the squeeze of a lifetime. He managed to tear himself free, but police caught up with him and charged him with burglary, indecency and harassment.
In Deltona, Fla., 27-year-old Charris Bowers was arrested for biting her husband's manhood during oral sex, apparently because she didn't want to have sex.
Apparently, sometimes saying, "No," just isn't enough.
Police photographed Mr. Bower's privates, and she's now facing misdemeanor battery charges.
I'm not condoning such violence. (Her boyfriend is claiming he had to punch her and push her to the floor to stop.) But, the way Charris describes it in her police report, she was resting on the couch after a night at the bar, and he put his thingy where she clearly didn't it to be.
I'm not saying she's justified, but that's for a jury to decide.
Then, in Australia, a self-described "jealous wife" apparently told a neighbor's that her husband's penis "belongs to me", before dousing him with alcohol, and setting him on fire.
She is now on trial, and faces a life sentence.
"I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else," one witness recalls her saying, upon learning her husband was having an affair.
Somewhere, Lorena Bobbitt must be smiling.
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Photo Michael G. Dick/Multnomah County (Oregon) Sheriff's Office (Upper Right), Charris Bowers/Volusa County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office